Catching Up With Myself

When I was young, vibrant and all-knowing, nobody told me about the part where glimpses of instant recall would appear without warning 40, 50, and even 60 years later.  Flashes of my impatience with those slow walking old people scurrying across the street trying to make it to the other side before the light changed to red.  Nobody told me that I would have first-hand knowledge of my refusal to speed up or move out of the way of people rushing here and there.  Nobody told me how I would become more thoughtful, kind and considerate.  I thought all old people, accept my grandmother of course, were destined to be mean, grouchy, and lived to make others miserable.  I didn’t know, as a bonus for still living, I’d get wisdom peppered with laughter and joy.   I’d still be a little weird, but fun to be around.  Nobody told me I’d share my rambling gifts and talents on something called Facebook, write a book, or be available to listening to another young, vibrant, all-knowing person.  Thank you to all those wise old people who sprinkled my life with understanding, patience, and joy.  I’m a happy person…

 

Rambling writing picture
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A Moment of insanity

April 20, 2018

I know this never happened to you, so this may not make very much sense.

I was right in the middle of my kind sensitive caring mood heading to a local department store in Lakewood. Washington.  Just walking into the store felt magical and majestic. While looking for the item I drove cross the county for (at least ten miles) a friendly store clerk, asked, “Do you need any help…  oh, the store no longer carries that item, but I can order it for you.”  From out of nowhere, without warning, the “Evil One appeared.  I hadn’t seen her for quite a while.  I felt my facial muscles tighten.  Thoughts ran through my head, “But I want it now…!!!”  My peaceful kind, friendly self was morphing into a person with no regard for the fact having a temper tantrum wasn’t going to produce the item any quicker.   it was a life or death situation as opposed to just something nice to have.  Catching myself in the act in real time, I wrestled down the irrational evil one that lived in my heart right next door to the benevolence family.  I suspect my facial expressions and unsuccessful uncanny mood swing alerted the clerk.  As I was returning from my moment of insanity she said, “Trust me I’m taking care of you.  I added your 20% discount and waved shipping charges.  All this to say, things have a way of working itself out.  Maybe it age, wisdom or low energy for unnecessary calamity, but I am a whole lot happier relaxing the clutches of the good old days of righteous indignation.

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA

 

April 19.2018

When I was young, vibrant and all-knowing, nobody told me about the part where glimpses of instant recall

would appear without warning 40, 50, and even 60 years later.  Flashes of my impatience with those slow walking old people scurrying across the street trying to make it to the other side before the light changed to red.  Nobody told me that I would have first-hand knowledge of my refusal to speed up or move out of the way of people rushing here and there.  Nobody told me how I would become more thoughtful, kind and considerate.  I thought all old people, accept my grandmother of course, were destined to be mean, grouchy, and lived to make others miserable.  I didn’t know, as a bonus for still living, I’d get wisdom peppered with laughter and joy.   I’d still be a little weird, but fun to be around.  Nobody told me I’d share my rambling gifts and talents on something called Facebook, write a book, or be available to listening to another young, vibrant, all-knowing person.  Thank you to all those wise old people who sprinkled my life with understanding, patience, and joy.  I’m a happy person…

Feb 04, 2018 9:05am

 

 

 

 

Dream 2013

Head and shoulders leaning on the wall as I was watching through the window; I land across the alley onto the ledge of another old plain looking ghetto building.   I saw myself hanging down by my finger tips on the ledge of the building.  I could let go and drop several stories below where I would probably die instantly or be forever crippled.  I hung on the ledge and tried to climb in the dark window.  As observer across the alley, I had no feelings either way.  On the ledge, my hands seemed to be gripped allowing me to hang on.  I swaged my body back and forth to free up my leg to throw it over into the open window.   I was able to climb in.  It was dark.  I could see a light coming through a little hole in the wall.  I woke up.

 

Shh, Its a secret!!!

 

“I don’t have a problem, I can stop anytime I want…,“ my self-preserving ego swears.  Only, I just keep coming back.  Getting that insatiable out of this world high eludes me.  “Psst, its me, your best friend, I can take away all your fears, doubts, heighten your sense of worthiness and importance.   Besides, you’re much more fun when you play with me,” comforts my secret pal.  “No one is more faithful to you than me.”

Sounds familiar?  Ever considered that maybe its not a secret and you could possibly be an addict?

Wikipedia describes Addiction as a medical condition that is characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences. It can be thought of as a disease or biological process leading to such behaviors.

Coming down from your stimulated high?  What does it feel like?  Are there any consequences,  Regrets,  Or  Fulfilled gratifications?

What’s the difference between societally friendly and riveting captivating participation?

How do you know when if and  you  exceeded your limits?  Did Secret, it self, give you a.  Have any of these.action packed characters been by to visit with you?

  • Frequency of behavior reduce to secret.
  • Alone time increases
  • Rationale morphs into justifications
  • Tolerance for abnormal participation in activities
  • Irritability increases
  • Compulsiveness without logic or reason
  • Mood changes –negative temper more intense, depression
  • Driving while texting, drinking, under the influence

Oh how sweet it is, go away, you’re blowing my high.  Here, I matter.  Here I’m purposeless, I don’ t have any problems.  I don’t have to care.

It’s all about me…I suppose, since you’re so perfect, you want to take me on your precious guilt trip.  Later, not now.   I don’t want to think about family and friends.  I know they worry about me,  No need, I’m fine, just want to be left alone.  I’ll be back later.

Yeah, yeah, I know the last time I tried to stop, I didn’t make it.  I just didn’t want to do it.  It was just too lonely and time was dry and senseless.  I can still hear yelling screaming,  “Get up you are better than this!”.  “you poor thing, you could be relaxing enjoying my company.  You don’t have to put up with all unpredictable dependence on other people’s approval

 

1/27/2018

Anger done gone and left me

 

Anger was my best friend  now its done gone and left me  Who am I without it?  Its so empty and lonely  Too much spare time  They say I’m a genius, a scholar,  how could that be?  My days seem longer since  anger left me.  So foreign to me  with no one left to hate  No need to pretend  Just be the genius  the scholar that you are

 

Jean Watley

February 4 ·

I had a dream recently. It was vivid and insightful. I suspect many of you can relate to it…I was leaving my doctor’s office after hearing the news I was good to go, “Whatever you are doing keep it up. See you next year”, the doctor gleefully announced as I headed for the door. There were people mingling in the lobby offering me congratulations when a somber voice from the receptionist echoed, “Wait, you have to retake the blood test, something is missing.” I was frozen in disbelief. “What could possibly be missing? I feel fine,” while searching my inner self for possible answers before dreadful news could get me off guard. I later learned I was a little low in patience and running high in unforgiveness? I found myself in a crowd of people. Most wore masks concealing false pride and fear of the unknown. There was one woman beaming with bubbly peace and joy like she knew a secret. The secret to passing the test. Freedom to be authentically happy. Cancer could not quench her peace. Resentment could not subsist. She was loving life “as is” without bartering for a different model. I woke up, I had to pee. I wanted to go back to sleep. Instead, I had to embrace life in whatever form it presented itself. While inspired to produce a tasty scrumptious yummy lip-smacking mouthwatering beef stew in the crockpot, I realized it takes salt AND pepper, meat AND vegetables, sweet AND bitter ingrediencies. I reimagined leaving the doctor’s office this time, um um good.

 

February, 2018

Lately, I’ve come to the realization that most of my friends are between the ages of 60-90 years old.  For the most part they are happy.  Some younger.  What most of them have in common is wisdom and gratitude.  They seem to have found their calling.  They are more intentional.  Not all has been exempt from life physical challenges, but their personal drive is still packed with wonder and adventure. While I’ve been to many funerals and memorial services over the years, I still leave feeling renovated encouraged

January 8, 2013

I’ve been reading my Facebook comments from friends and well-wishers over this past year. How encouraging… While I haven’t been exempt from moments of feeling disconnectedness and purposeless, I have felt loved and purposeful. I guess it comes with the package. It’s a blessing to be able to intentionally watch my life unfold along with others. I’ve learned a lot about myself and wouldn’t change anything. I learned that there is strength and courage in letting others help even when I often conclude I am just fine. I got to see generosity in the eyes and efforts of others. I got to see the importance of receiving and it was not necessary to always be the giver. I got to see what it is like to keep my mouth shut and let others show their love and respect. That’s not easy to do in a society that values “worth” based on something other than genuine humility. I know I’m rambling again, but my goodness, my head is still held high, I’m still smart, fun and able to dance with the unexpected chapters of life. Not only that, I am still willing and able.

 

2017

Life for me is like popcorn popping up anywhere, anytime, in any form laced with mouthwatering fascinating spices ushering in unknown opportunities.   I often feel childlike absent from the knowledge of forbidden fruit.  My six-year grandson serves as a reminder of the life so many of us miss under the guise of wisdom and carefulness.

 

August 16, 2017 ·

I made it, the big “7 0”. I woke up this morning with old time Negro hymns dancing in my head. Images of dancing and out-of-tune singing swaying with the Spirit filled my mind. “So this is what they were talking about.” No room for debate, life is what it is. Some things you can’t really appreciate until you’ve been around for a while. My parents didn’t make it pass 50, My Grandparents slid in past 80, (Well, maybe not slid, since aches, pains and stiffness slowed them down a little) but they still had hope beyond my understanding. Today, I experience blessings differently. It’s a private matter packed with the liveliness of heart and harmony of mind. My body is still obliging, my spirit is still willing and my mind is still able. I’m a happy person this morning and plan to see many more just like it or even better. Here I go! Enjoy…Be happy…Trust God, I’m liking it…

 

 

 

Jean Watley

May 19, 2016 · Tacoma ·

You’ve got to check “Olive Branch Café” out!!!

Fit for Queens and Kings. If it’s your first time, most likely you will return with additional guests. “You’ve got to see this…No. you’ve got to experience it.”

It’s not just the scrumptious mouth-watering menu offerings, nor the choices of teas, not to mention the elegant Victorian like table settings with live piano playing music in the background and champagne bubbles floating from the ceiling. If you can picture this with me, come a little closer…feel the prickly goose bumps gently penetrating the quiet spaces of your mind oozing with messages of specialness. “You belong here…you deserve this…You are important, it’s all about you and who you share your specialness with…the chosen few…

It’s not just the scrumptious mouth-watering menu offerings, nor the choices of teas, not to mention the elegant Victorian like table settings with live piano playing music in the background and champagne bubbles floating from the ceiling. If you can picture this with me, come a little closer…feel the prickly goose bumps gently penetrating the quiet spaces of your mind oozing with messages of specialness. “You belong here…you deserve this…You are important, it’s all about you and who you share your specialness with…the chosen few…

The hearts of the clientele upon entry morphs into sparkly wide-eyed childlike “Alice in Wonderland” fantasy expectations reeking with oohs and awes.

Can you feel it? I want to interview Terry Waller, the creator and imaginer of the café, I want to hear the story that led her to this place. I want to know how she attracted the people and places along the way. Don’t you?

All this to say, come for the full package, experience the awakening and tickles of your spirit.

By the way, the price of this luxury is quite affordable. Bring a frien

 

August 26, 2016 ·

This has been an interesting journey since my number came up. I’m in no pain, at least not physically. What’s insightful to me is being the visited vs visitor. It is very humbling. I see I like being in charge. For the most part, I still am in charge of my faculties just moving slower. Learning how my mind works. Meeting a lot of people. Taking my time cooperating with medical staff. What also so kool is one of the nurses remembered me from 2005. He went through my class at Bates. He talked about the stories I told and how it affected him. His presence reminded me of what I used to always say, “I gotta take care of my students as best I can, anyone of them might wind up having to take of me in the hospital. Well that part came true. I still feel/am happy and blessed. It’s all good. Thank you everyone for your prayers and good expectations

 

August 2016

My recovery journey has taken me to thoughts and insights never consciously known to me before. I’ve been stuck between a world of acceptance and bewilderment. The bewilderment is filled with thrills of exhilaration and mystery, while the world of acceptance rings with predictability and the appearance of dependability. I choose mystery. It seems intimidating and yet openingly inviting. Life for me is like popcorn popping up anywhere, anytime, in any form laced with mouthwatering fascinating spices ushering in unknown opportunities. I often feel childlike absent from the knowledge of forbidden fruit. My six-year grandson serves as a reminder of the life so many of us miss under the guise of wisdom and carefulness. I hear the words “slow down, listen, shush, be still,” hearkening my heart when I want to rush out to change the channel to something more practical, sensible or even intelligent, but I remain mystified by the invisible cloak shielding me from immediate discovery. I am faced with a door in the shape of a question mark, “enter?” I think that’s what life is about, entering into the unknowns of being. Here it is, another crossroad whispering to my mind again. This is the place where practicality often rules and turns away the childlike spirit leaving boredom and self-centered ness as life-long companions. I really like. The rambling…

August 21, 2016 · Tacoma ·

Well, I’m in the hospital. According to me, I am doing good. Just had a birthday a few days ago. Wasn’t ‘t planning on this. It’s all good. I have many thing I am grateful for. I am learning how let others help me. How humbling… Another lesson life ushers in.

 

August 30, 2016

I am learning a lot about the difference between self sufficiency, pride, ego, and dignity while rehabilitating in the hospital. I like making things happen, especially when told it can’t happen. First I had to mentally and emotionally accept the fact that I had a stroke. Pride and ego was faced with the fact that a blood clot had visited my left leg and wouldn’t allow me to walk normally. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without help. That was a fact. My feelings and emotions were raging with anger and a sense of devaluing. Who was I mad with? Good question. I was on the road to learning who I was when out of control. Not a very pretty sight. Thank God I still had some traces of a sense of humor and dignity. While waiting to be cleaned by the nurse after a bowel movement, I mumble , “I feel so helpless.” The nurse snapped back, “Don’t feel like that, this is just temporary, besides, it’s my job and I want to do it. Her voice and compassionate tone touched me. How could I be helpless with her around? Help was all around. I am learning how to surrender my mental and emotional will and retain my sense of self, dignity and resilience.

July 1, 2015 ·

I was responding to one of my grand children’s email thanking me for a picture I sent him. My thoughts raced on ahead. I felt something deeper and more significant

“I don’t have a good picture of your Grandfather, but I thought you might want to know a little bit about him. He was born August 5, 1946 in Chicago, Illinois. He died July 28, 1986 in Chicago, Illinois of Pneumonia at Chicago Osteopathic Hospital. His Father was Earl Grey. born in the late 1920s. His Mother, Pearl, was born in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Tijuana and I visited her birth place last year. We found some records listing Annie Mattie Williams, born April 9, 1907. She died December 23, 1997 in Chicago. I met your grandfather when I was 13 or 14 years old. He was a year older. I remember I was a sophomore in high school when I discovered I was pregnant and had to drop out of school. Back then, that was the proper thing to do. I moved in with your Grandfather’s family, including Sanford, BaBa (Gregory) and Demetris. Pearl was married to Curtis. I didn’t know his last name. His brothers and sister, Billy, Lamont, and Ann were already out of the house.

The Williams taught me about the importance of family, no matter how dysfunctional they may or not be.

Earl Grey was smart and funny. He liked writing and citing poetry which was one of the things that attracted me to him. He liked to make people laugh.

Often stories told about members of our families tend to be negative. We were tight knit with unspoken vows to secrecy. Most of our lives were peppered with shame that overshadowed the goodness about who we were. It seemed like it was almost an honor to be downtrodden and helpless, thereby releasing you from the responsibility of any high achievement in life. Earl was a dreamer with no role models. He was burdened with the pressures proving society right, Black young men couldn’t amount up to anything and grow up with nothing to show for ever having been on earth in the first place.

But then, there’s you all, spouts of his seed blossoming with sunshine and hope. So you see Earl’s life isn’t lost. It goes on through you beaming with pride, dignity, hope topped with sweetness.”

 

 

Jean Watley

June 4, 2012 ·

Authentic inner voice

Do you find yourself entertaining endless head chatter that stops you from taking action? Voices representing wisdom of prominent or not so prominent people in your past or present life? Children should be seen and not heard. Reminders of the consequences for getting “the big head” or being too smart for your britches? (If someone is too big for their britches, they are conceited and have an exaggerated sense of their own importance) . How can you stop the chatter? How can you develop your own voice? I have some suggestions.

Ask questions Challenge the thought. Where did this come from? Is it true? Is it true all the time?

After my aneurysm a year ago, I noticed I lost some unfounded fears. I don’t have “the big head;” I have an opinion. Guess what, some people will both agree and disagree. It’s still my opinion. I can change it, alter it or forsake it. It’s called blossoming. There are no “one right answers, resolutions, or ways to live.

Check your motives: Are you trying to prove something? What and why? Are your efforts driven by your ego? What would it mean if you were wrong?

What clues does your body present? Heal your body A-Z by Louise Hay, revealed that my mental patterns created, with the help of the chatter, often muffled my real voice. The concept of emotional or social intelligence, according to researchers. Involve at least five types of skills:

Self-awareness is a person’s ability to understand and be aware of their feelings and moods. Self-awareness helps a person keep an eye on their thoughts and emotions so they can better understand why they feel a particular way. Managing emotions This skill helps people display their emotions in socially appropriate ways. It helps one control anger, sadness, and fear. Motivation helps a person use their emotions to reach their goals. It helps them hold back their impulses and delay gratification to reach these goals. Empathy is the ability to understand how a person feels. It is different from feeling sorry for someone. It is feeling like “walking in their shoes.” Social skills are dealing with others in social situations. It is the ability to carry on a conversation and deal with other’s emotions. It is being socially competent.

Pay attention to these clues, it could save a lot of wasted time from asking irrelevant questions. Check out researcher Feldman, L. (1999). Emotionally intelligent leadership. Falls Church or Daniel Feldman. Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence. New York, NY: Bantam Books

Read Search for other resources to balance your mind’s informational in and out put. Discover your personality type or happiness capacity.

Listen to stress reducing music. Check out authors, scientists, people using technology to heightened levels of inspiration and creativity.

Exercise: Expert say exercise reduces stress and increase blood circulation.

I encourage you to be more purposeful investigating these suggestions. It could positively strengthen your life and monitor your authentic voice.

Allow your healthy authentic inner voice to provide glimpses into who you are and what is your own true path. Learn how to listen to your heart’s intuition. There is no explanation, only certainty. No more red-like flags of mental blockages shouting wait or stop. Instead, take a chance see what happens next. What kind of adventure will you create through your authentic voice? Asking questions, checking your motives, sorting through mixed messages, reading related and unrelated literature, walking, talking, and quieting yourself can lead you through this sacred space. Over time, trust creates the repeatable framework.

 

Jean Watley

September 20, 2017 ·

Getting old is not a punishment My son told me a story about a young man who interrupted a conversation between an old man and a friend. “How old are you,” the young man probed. “97,” the old man proudly answered. “Wow, I never want to be that old,” the young man condescendingly quipped. With kindness and patience in the old man’s eyes, “That’s because you’ve never been 96.” the old man replied. As I get older and am teased by bewilderment, I understand the old man’s reasonings. Today, most of my friends range between 50 and 90 years old. Not all are happy and easygoing, but their lives are packed with meaningful accomplishments. One person told me he only had 24% of the energy he used to have. “What, 24%? You have 24% of energy left. What are you doing with it?” I may not be able to run a marathon or a 100 yard dash, but I still can do something. How about you? Enjoy.

 

 

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA

 

A Moment of insanity

April 20, 2018

I know this never happened to you, so this may not make very much sense.

I was right in the middle of my kind sensitive caring mood heading to a local department store in Lakewood. Washington.  Just walking into the store felt magical and majestic. While looking for the item I drove cross the county for (at least ten miles) a friendly store clerk, asked, “Do you need any help…  oh, the store no longer carries that item, but I can order it for you.”  From out of nowhere, without warning, the “Evil One appeared.  I hadn’t seen her for quite a while.  I felt my facial muscles tighten.  Thoughts ran through my head, “But I want it now…!!!”  My peaceful kind, friendly self was morphing into a person with no regard for the fact having a temper tantrum wasn’t going to produce the item any quicker.   it was a life or death situation as opposed to just something nice to have.  Catching myself in the act in real time, I wrestled down the irrational evil one that lived in my heart right next door to the benevolence family.  I suspect my facial expressions and unsuccessful uncanny mood swing alerted the clerk.  As I was returning from my moment of insanity she said, “Trust me I’m taking care of you.  I added your 20% discount and waved shipping charges.  All this to say, things have a way of working itself out.  Maybe it age, wisdom or low energy for unnecessary calamity, but I am a whole lot happier relaxing the clutches of the good old days of righteous indignation.

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA

 

April 19.2018

When I was young, vibrant and all-knowing, nobody told me about the part where glimpses of instant recall

would appear without warning 40, 50, and even 60 years later.  Flashes of my impatience with those slow walking old people scurrying across the street trying to make it to the other side before the light changed to red.  Nobody told me that I would have first-hand knowledge of my refusal to speed up or move out of the way of people rushing here and there.  Nobody told me how I would become more thoughtful, kind and considerate.  I thought all old people, accept my grandmother of course, were destined to be mean, grouchy, and lived to make others miserable.  I didn’t know, as a bonus for still living, I’d get wisdom peppered with laughter and joy.   I’d still be a little weird, but fun to be around.  Nobody told me I’d share my rambling gifts and talents on something called Facebook, write a book, or be available to listening to another young, vibrant, all-knowing person.  Thank you to all those wise old people who sprinkled my life with understanding, patience, and joy.  I’m a happy person…

Feb 04, 2018 9:05am

 

 

 

 

Dream 2013

Head and shoulders leaning on the wall as I was watching through the window; I land across the alley onto the ledge of another old plain looking ghetto building.   I saw myself hanging down by my finger tips on the ledge of the building.  I could let go and drop several stories below where I would probably die instantly or be forever crippled.  I hung on the ledge and tried to climb in the dark window.  As observer across the alley, I had no feelings either way.  On the ledge, my hands seemed to be gripped allowing me to hang on.  I swaged my body back and forth to free up my leg to throw it over into the open window.   I was able to climb in.  It was dark.  I could see a light coming through a little hole in the wall.  I woke up.

 

Shh, Its a secret!!!

 

“I don’t have a problem, I can stop anytime I want…,“ my self-preserving ego swears.  Only, I just keep coming back.  Getting that insatiable out of this world high eludes me.  “Psst, its me, your best friend, I can take away all your fears, doubts, heighten your sense of worthiness and importance.   Besides, you’re much more fun when you play with me,” comforts my secret pal.  “No one is more faithful to you than me.”

Sounds familiar?  Ever considered that maybe its not a secret and you could possibly be an addict?

Wikipedia describes Addiction as a medical condition that is characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences. It can be thought of as a disease or biological process leading to such behaviors.

Coming down from your stimulated high?  What does it feel like?  Are there any consequences,  Regrets,  Or  Fulfilled gratifications?

What’s the difference between societally friendly and riveting captivating participation?

How do you know when if and  you  exceeded your limits?  Did Secret, it self, give you a.  Have any of these.action packed characters been by to visit with you?

  • Frequency of behavior reduce to secret.
  • Alone time increases
  • Rationale morphs into justifications
  • Tolerance for abnormal participation in activities
  • Irritability increases
  • Compulsiveness without logic or reason
  • Mood changes –negative temper more intense, depression
  • Driving while texting, drinking, under the influence

Oh how sweet it is, go away, you’re blowing my high.  Here, I matter.  Here I’m purposeless, I don’ t have any problems.  I don’t have to care.

It’s all about me…I suppose, since you’re so perfect, you want to take me on your precious guilt trip.  Later, not now.   I don’t want to think about family and friends.  I know they worry about me,  No need, I’m fine, just want to be left alone.  I’ll be back later.

Yeah, yeah, I know the last time I tried to stop, I didn’t make it.  I just didn’t want to do it.  It was just too lonely and time was dry and senseless.  I can still hear yelling screaming,  “Get up you are better than this!”.  “you poor thing, you could be relaxing enjoying my company.  You don’t have to put up with all unpredictable dependence on other people’s approval

 

1/27/2018

Anger done gone and left me

 

Anger was my best friend  now its done gone and left me  Who am I without it?  Its so empty and lonely  Too much spare time  They say I’m a genius, a scholar,  how could that be?  My days seem longer since  anger left me.  So foreign to me  with no one left to hate  No need to pretend  Just be the genius  the scholar that you are

 

Jean Watley

February 4 ·

I had a dream recently. It was vivid and insightful. I suspect many of you can relate to it…I was leaving my doctor’s office after hearing the news I was good to go, “Whatever you are doing keep it up. See you next year”, the doctor gleefully announced as I headed for the door. There were people mingling in the lobby offering me congratulations when a somber voice from the receptionist echoed, “Wait, you have to retake the blood test, something is missing.” I was frozen in disbelief. “What could possibly be missing? I feel fine,” while searching my inner self for possible answers before dreadful news could get me off guard. I later learned I was a little low in patience and running high in unforgiveness? I found myself in a crowd of people. Most wore masks concealing false pride and fear of the unknown. There was one woman beaming with bubbly peace and joy like she knew a secret. The secret to passing the test. Freedom to be authentically happy. Cancer could not quench her peace. Resentment could not subsist. She was loving life “as is” without bartering for a different model. I woke up, I had to pee. I wanted to go back to sleep. Instead, I had to embrace life in whatever form it presented itself. While inspired to produce a tasty scrumptious yummy lip-smacking mouthwatering beef stew in the crockpot, I realized it takes salt AND pepper, meat AND vegetables, sweet AND bitter ingrediencies. I reimagined leaving the doctor’s office this time, um um good.

 

February, 2018

Lately, I’ve come to the realization that most of my friends are between the ages of 60-90 years old.  For the most part they are happy.  Some younger.  What most of them have in common is wisdom and gratitude.  They seem to have found their calling.  They are more intentional.  Not all has been exempt from life physical challenges, but their personal drive is still packed with wonder and adventure. While I’ve been to many funerals and memorial services over the years, I still leave feeling renovated encouraged

January 8, 2013

I’ve been reading my Facebook comments from friends and well-wishers over this past year. How encouraging… While I haven’t been exempt from moments of feeling disconnectedness and purposeless, I have felt loved and purposeful. I guess it comes with the package. It’s a blessing to be able to intentionally watch my life unfold along with others. I’ve learned a lot about myself and wouldn’t change anything. I learned that there is strength and courage in letting others help even when I often conclude I am just fine. I got to see generosity in the eyes and efforts of others. I got to see the importance of receiving and it was not necessary to always be the giver. I got to see what it is like to keep my mouth shut and let others show their love and respect. That’s not easy to do in a society that values “worth” based on something other than genuine humility. I know I’m rambling again, but my goodness, my head is still held high, I’m still smart, fun and able to dance with the unexpected chapters of life. Not only that, I am still willing and able.

 

2017

Life for me is like popcorn popping up anywhere, anytime, in any form laced with mouthwatering fascinating spices ushering in unknown opportunities.   I often feel childlike absent from the knowledge of forbidden fruit.  My six-year grandson serves as a reminder of the life so many of us miss under the guise of wisdom and carefulness.

 

August 16, 2017 ·

I made it, the big “7 0”. I woke up this morning with old time Negro hymns dancing in my head. Images of dancing and out-of-tune singing swaying with the Spirit filled my mind. “So this is what they were talking about.” No room for debate, life is what it is. Some things you can’t really appreciate until you’ve been around for a while. My parents didn’t make it pass 50, My Grandparents slid in past 80, (Well, maybe not slid, since aches, pains and stiffness slowed them down a little) but they still had hope beyond my understanding. Today, I experience blessings differently. It’s a private matter packed with the liveliness of heart and harmony of mind. My body is still obliging, my spirit is still willing and my mind is still able. I’m a happy person this morning and plan to see many more just like it or even better. Here I go! Enjoy…Be happy…Trust God, I’m liking it…

 

 

 

Jean Watley

May 19, 2016 · Tacoma ·

You’ve got to check “Olive Branch Café” out!!!

Fit for Queens and Kings. If it’s your first time, most likely you will return with additional guests. “You’ve got to see this…No. you’ve got to experience it.”

It’s not just the scrumptious mouth-watering menu offerings, nor the choices of teas, not to mention the elegant Victorian like table settings with live piano playing music in the background and champagne bubbles floating from the ceiling. If you can picture this with me, come a little closer…feel the prickly goose bumps gently penetrating the quiet spaces of your mind oozing with messages of specialness. “You belong here…you deserve this…You are important, it’s all about you and who you share your specialness with…the chosen few…

It’s not just the scrumptious mouth-watering menu offerings, nor the choices of teas, not to mention the elegant Victorian like table settings with live piano playing music in the background and champagne bubbles floating from the ceiling. If you can picture this with me, come a little closer…feel the prickly goose bumps gently penetrating the quiet spaces of your mind oozing with messages of specialness. “You belong here…you deserve this…You are important, it’s all about you and who you share your specialness with…the chosen few…

The hearts of the clientele upon entry morphs into sparkly wide-eyed childlike “Alice in Wonderland” fantasy expectations reeking with oohs and awes.

Can you feel it? I want to interview Terry Waller, the creator and imaginer of the café, I want to hear the story that led her to this place. I want to know how she attracted the people and places along the way. Don’t you?

All this to say, come for the full package, experience the awakening and tickles of your spirit.

By the way, the price of this luxury is quite affordable. Bring a frien

 

August 26, 2016 ·

This has been an interesting journey since my number came up. I’m in no pain, at least not physically. What’s insightful to me is being the visited vs visitor. It is very humbling. I see I like being in charge. For the most part, I still am in charge of my faculties just moving slower. Learning how my mind works. Meeting a lot of people. Taking my time cooperating with medical staff. What also so kool is one of the nurses remembered me from 2005. He went through my class at Bates. He talked about the stories I told and how it affected him. His presence reminded me of what I used to always say, “I gotta take care of my students as best I can, anyone of them might wind up having to take of me in the hospital. Well that part came true. I still feel/am happy and blessed. It’s all good. Thank you everyone for your prayers and good expectations

 

August 2016

My recovery journey has taken me to thoughts and insights never consciously known to me before. I’ve been stuck between a world of acceptance and bewilderment. The bewilderment is filled with thrills of exhilaration and mystery, while the world of acceptance rings with predictability and the appearance of dependability. I choose mystery. It seems intimidating and yet openingly inviting. Life for me is like popcorn popping up anywhere, anytime, in any form laced with mouthwatering fascinating spices ushering in unknown opportunities. I often feel childlike absent from the knowledge of forbidden fruit. My six-year grandson serves as a reminder of the life so many of us miss under the guise of wisdom and carefulness. I hear the words “slow down, listen, shush, be still,” hearkening my heart when I want to rush out to change the channel to something more practical, sensible or even intelligent, but I remain mystified by the invisible cloak shielding me from immediate discovery. I am faced with a door in the shape of a question mark, “enter?” I think that’s what life is about, entering into the unknowns of being. Here it is, another crossroad whispering to my mind again. This is the place where practicality often rules and turns away the childlike spirit leaving boredom and self-centered ness as life-long companions. I really like. The rambling…

August 21, 2016 · Tacoma ·

Well, I’m in the hospital. According to me, I am doing good. Just had a birthday a few days ago. Wasn’t ‘t planning on this. It’s all good. I have many thing I am grateful for. I am learning how let others help me. How humbling… Another lesson life ushers in.

 

August 30, 2016

I am learning a lot about the difference between self sufficiency, pride, ego, and dignity while rehabilitating in the hospital. I like making things happen, especially when told it can’t happen. First I had to mentally and emotionally accept the fact that I had a stroke. Pride and ego was faced with the fact that a blood clot had visited my left leg and wouldn’t allow me to walk normally. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without help. That was a fact. My feelings and emotions were raging with anger and a sense of devaluing. Who was I mad with? Good question. I was on the road to learning who I was when out of control. Not a very pretty sight. Thank God I still had some traces of a sense of humor and dignity. While waiting to be cleaned by the nurse after a bowel movement, I mumble , “I feel so helpless.” The nurse snapped back, “Don’t feel like that, this is just temporary, besides, it’s my job and I want to do it. Her voice and compassionate tone touched me. How could I be helpless with her around? Help was all around. I am learning how to surrender my mental and emotional will and retain my sense of self, dignity and resilience.

July 1, 2015 ·

I was responding to one of my grand children’s email thanking me for a picture I sent him. My thoughts raced on ahead. I felt something deeper and more significant

“I don’t have a good picture of your Grandfather, but I thought you might want to know a little bit about him. He was born August 5, 1946 in Chicago, Illinois. He died July 28, 1986 in Chicago, Illinois of Pneumonia at Chicago Osteopathic Hospital. His Father was Earl Grey. born in the late 1920s. His Mother, Pearl, was born in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Tijuana and I visited her birth place last year. We found some records listing Annie Mattie Williams, born April 9, 1907. She died December 23, 1997 in Chicago. I met your grandfather when I was 13 or 14 years old. He was a year older. I remember I was a sophomore in high school when I discovered I was pregnant and had to drop out of school. Back then, that was the proper thing to do. I moved in with your Grandfather’s family, including Sanford, BaBa (Gregory) and Demetris. Pearl was married to Curtis. I didn’t know his last name. His brothers and sister, Billy, Lamont, and Ann were already out of the house.

The Williams taught me about the importance of family, no matter how dysfunctional they may or not be.

Earl Grey was smart and funny. He liked writing and citing poetry which was one of the things that attracted me to him. He liked to make people laugh.

Often stories told about members of our families tend to be negative. We were tight knit with unspoken vows to secrecy. Most of our lives were peppered with shame that overshadowed the goodness about who we were. It seemed like it was almost an honor to be downtrodden and helpless, thereby releasing you from the responsibility of any high achievement in life. Earl was a dreamer with no role models. He was burdened with the pressures proving society right, Black young men couldn’t amount up to anything and grow up with nothing to show for ever having been on earth in the first place.

But then, there’s you all, spouts of his seed blossoming with sunshine and hope. So you see Earl’s life isn’t lost. It goes on through you beaming with pride, dignity, hope topped with sweetness.”

 

 

Jean Watley

June 4, 2012 ·

Authentic inner voice

Do you find yourself entertaining endless head chatter that stops you from taking action? Voices representing wisdom of prominent or not so prominent people in your past or present life? Children should be seen and not heard. Reminders of the consequences for getting “the big head” or being too smart for your britches? (If someone is too big for their britches, they are conceited and have an exaggerated sense of their own importance) . How can you stop the chatter? How can you develop your own voice? I have some suggestions.

Ask questions Challenge the thought. Where did this come from? Is it true? Is it true all the time?

After my aneurysm a year ago, I noticed I lost some unfounded fears. I don’t have “the big head;” I have an opinion. Guess what, some people will both agree and disagree. It’s still my opinion. I can change it, alter it or forsake it. It’s called blossoming. There are no “one right answers, resolutions, or ways to live.

Check your motives: Are you trying to prove something? What and why? Are your efforts driven by your ego? What would it mean if you were wrong?

What clues does your body present? Heal your body A-Z by Louise Hay, revealed that my mental patterns created, with the help of the chatter, often muffled my real voice. The concept of emotional or social intelligence, according to researchers. Involve at least five types of skills:

Self-awareness is a person’s ability to understand and be aware of their feelings and moods. Self-awareness helps a person keep an eye on their thoughts and emotions so they can better understand why they feel a particular way. Managing emotions This skill helps people display their emotions in socially appropriate ways. It helps one control anger, sadness, and fear. Motivation helps a person use their emotions to reach their goals. It helps them hold back their impulses and delay gratification to reach these goals. Empathy is the ability to understand how a person feels. It is different from feeling sorry for someone. It is feeling like “walking in their shoes.” Social skills are dealing with others in social situations. It is the ability to carry on a conversation and deal with other’s emotions. It is being socially competent.

Pay attention to these clues, it could save a lot of wasted time from asking irrelevant questions. Check out researcher Feldman, L. (1999). Emotionally intelligent leadership. Falls Church or Daniel Feldman. Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence. New York, NY: Bantam Books

Read Search for other resources to balance your mind’s informational in and out put. Discover your personality type or happiness capacity.

Listen to stress reducing music. Check out authors, scientists, people using technology to heightened levels of inspiration and creativity.

Exercise: Expert say exercise reduces stress and increase blood circulation.

I encourage you to be more purposeful investigating these suggestions. It could positively strengthen your life and monitor your authentic voice.

Allow your healthy authentic inner voice to provide glimpses into who you are and what is your own true path. Learn how to listen to your heart’s intuition. There is no explanation, only certainty. No more red-like flags of mental blockages shouting wait or stop. Instead, take a chance see what happens next. What kind of adventure will you create through your authentic voice? Asking questions, checking your motives, sorting through mixed messages, reading related and unrelated literature, walking, talking, and quieting yourself can lead you through this sacred space. Over time, trust creates the repeatable framework.

 

Jean Watley

September 20, 2017 ·

Getting old is not a punishment My son told me a story about a young man who interrupted a conversation between an old man and a friend. “How old are you,” the young man probed. “97,” the old man proudly answered. “Wow, I never want to be that old,” the young man condescendingly quipped. With kindness and patience in the old man’s eyes, “That’s because you’ve never been 96.” the old man replied. As I get older and am teased by bewilderment, I understand the old man’s reasonings. Today, most of my friends range between 50 and 90 years old. Not all are happy and easygoing, but their lives are packed with meaningful accomplishments. One person told me he only had 24% of the energy he used to have. “What, 24%? You have 24% of energy left. What are you doing with it?” I may not be able to run a marathon or a 100 yard dash, but I still can do something. How about you? Enjoy.

 

 

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA

 

A Moment of insanity

April 20, 2018

I know this never happened to you, so this may not make very much sense.

I was right in the middle of my kind sensitive caring mood heading to a local department store in Lakewood. Washington.  Just walking into the store felt magical and majestic. While looking for the item I drove cross the county for (at least ten miles) a friendly store clerk, asked, “Do you need any help…  oh, the store no longer carries that item, but I can order it for you.”  From out of nowhere, without warning, the “Evil One appeared.  I hadn’t seen her for quite a while.  I felt my facial muscles tighten.  Thoughts ran through my head, “But I want it now…!!!”  My peaceful kind, friendly self was morphing into a person with no regard for the fact having a temper tantrum wasn’t going to produce the item any quicker.   it was a life or death situation as opposed to just something nice to have.  Catching myself in the act in real time, I wrestled down the irrational evil one that lived in my heart right next door to the benevolence family.  I suspect my facial expressions and unsuccessful uncanny mood swing alerted the clerk.  As I was returning from my moment of insanity she said, “Trust me I’m taking care of you.  I added your 20% discount and waved shipping charges.  All this to say, things have a way of working itself out.  Maybe it age, wisdom or low energy for unnecessary calamity, but I am a whole lot happier relaxing the clutches of the good old days of righteous indignation.

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA

 

April 19.2018

When I was young, vibrant and all-knowing, nobody told me about the part where glimpses of instant recall

would appear without warning 40, 50, and even 60 years later.  Flashes of my impatience with those slow walking old people scurrying across the street trying to make it to the other side before the light changed to red.  Nobody told me that I would have first-hand knowledge of my refusal to speed up or move out of the way of people rushing here and there.  Nobody told me how I would become more thoughtful, kind and considerate.  I thought all old people, accept my grandmother of course, were destined to be mean, grouchy, and lived to make others miserable.  I didn’t know, as a bonus for still living, I’d get wisdom peppered with laughter and joy.   I’d still be a little weird, but fun to be around.  Nobody told me I’d share my rambling gifts and talents on something called Facebook, write a book, or be available to listening to another young, vibrant, all-knowing person.  Thank you to all those wise old people who sprinkled my life with understanding, patience, and joy.  I’m a happy person…

Feb 04, 2018 9:05am

 

 

 

 

Dream 2013

Head and shoulders leaning on the wall as I was watching through the window; I land across the alley onto the ledge of another old plain looking ghetto building.   I saw myself hanging down by my finger tips on the ledge of the building.  I could let go and drop several stories below where I would probably die instantly or be forever crippled.  I hung on the ledge and tried to climb in the dark window.  As observer across the alley, I had no feelings either way.  On the ledge, my hands seemed to be gripped allowing me to hang on.  I swaged my body back and forth to free up my leg to throw it over into the open window.   I was able to climb in.  It was dark.  I could see a light coming through a little hole in the wall.  I woke up.

 

Shh, Its a secret!!!

 

“I don’t have a problem, I can stop anytime I want…,“ my self-preserving ego swears.  Only, I just keep coming back.  Getting that insatiable out of this world high eludes me.  “Psst, its me, your best friend, I can take away all your fears, doubts, heighten your sense of worthiness and importance.   Besides, you’re much more fun when you play with me,” comforts my secret pal.  “No one is more faithful to you than me.”

Sounds familiar?  Ever considered that maybe its not a secret and you could possibly be an addict?

Wikipedia describes Addiction as a medical condition that is characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences. It can be thought of as a disease or biological process leading to such behaviors.

Coming down from your stimulated high?  What does it feel like?  Are there any consequences,  Regrets,  Or  Fulfilled gratifications?

What’s the difference between societally friendly and riveting captivating participation?

How do you know when if and  you  exceeded your limits?  Did Secret, it self, give you a.  Have any of these.action packed characters been by to visit with you?

  • Frequency of behavior reduce to secret.
  • Alone time increases
  • Rationale morphs into justifications
  • Tolerance for abnormal participation in activities
  • Irritability increases
  • Compulsiveness without logic or reason
  • Mood changes –negative temper more intense, depression
  • Driving while texting, drinking, under the influence

Oh how sweet it is, go away, you’re blowing my high.  Here, I matter.  Here I’m purposeless, I don’ t have any problems.  I don’t have to care.

It’s all about me…I suppose, since you’re so perfect, you want to take me on your precious guilt trip.  Later, not now.   I don’t want to think about family and friends.  I know they worry about me,  No need, I’m fine, just want to be left alone.  I’ll be back later.

Yeah, yeah, I know the last time I tried to stop, I didn’t make it.  I just didn’t want to do it.  It was just too lonely and time was dry and senseless.  I can still hear yelling screaming,  “Get up you are better than this!”.  “you poor thing, you could be relaxing enjoying my company.  You don’t have to put up with all unpredictable dependence on other people’s approval

 

1/27/2018

Anger done gone and left me

 

Anger was my best friend  now its done gone and left me  Who am I without it?  Its so empty and lonely  Too much spare time  They say I’m a genius, a scholar,  how could that be?  My days seem longer since  anger left me.  So foreign to me  with no one left to hate  No need to pretend  Just be the genius  the scholar that you are

 

Jean Watley

February 4 ·

I had a dream recently. It was vivid and insightful. I suspect many of you can relate to it…I was leaving my doctor’s office after hearing the news I was good to go, “Whatever you are doing keep it up. See you next year”, the doctor gleefully announced as I headed for the door. There were people mingling in the lobby offering me congratulations when a somber voice from the receptionist echoed, “Wait, you have to retake the blood test, something is missing.” I was frozen in disbelief. “What could possibly be missing? I feel fine,” while searching my inner self for possible answers before dreadful news could get me off guard. I later learned I was a little low in patience and running high in unforgiveness? I found myself in a crowd of people. Most wore masks concealing false pride and fear of the unknown. There was one woman beaming with bubbly peace and joy like she knew a secret. The secret to passing the test. Freedom to be authentically happy. Cancer could not quench her peace. Resentment could not subsist. She was loving life “as is” without bartering for a different model. I woke up, I had to pee. I wanted to go back to sleep. Instead, I had to embrace life in whatever form it presented itself. While inspired to produce a tasty scrumptious yummy lip-smacking mouthwatering beef stew in the crockpot, I realized it takes salt AND pepper, meat AND vegetables, sweet AND bitter ingrediencies. I reimagined leaving the doctor’s office this time, um um good.

 

February, 2018

Lately, I’ve come to the realization that most of my friends are between the ages of 60-90 years old.  For the most part they are happy.  Some younger.  What most of them have in common is wisdom and gratitude.  They seem to have found their calling.  They are more intentional.  Not all has been exempt from life physical challenges, but their personal drive is still packed with wonder and adventure. While I’ve been to many funerals and memorial services over the years, I still leave feeling renovated encouraged

January 8, 2013

I’ve been reading my Facebook comments from friends and well-wishers over this past year. How encouraging… While I haven’t been exempt from moments of feeling disconnectedness and purposeless, I have felt loved and purposeful. I guess it comes with the package. It’s a blessing to be able to intentionally watch my life unfold along with others. I’ve learned a lot about myself and wouldn’t change anything. I learned that there is strength and courage in letting others help even when I often conclude I am just fine. I got to see generosity in the eyes and efforts of others. I got to see the importance of receiving and it was not necessary to always be the giver. I got to see what it is like to keep my mouth shut and let others show their love and respect. That’s not easy to do in a society that values “worth” based on something other than genuine humility. I know I’m rambling again, but my goodness, my head is still held high, I’m still smart, fun and able to dance with the unexpected chapters of life. Not only that, I am still willing and able.

 

2017

Life for me is like popcorn popping up anywhere, anytime, in any form laced with mouthwatering fascinating spices ushering in unknown opportunities.   I often feel childlike absent from the knowledge of forbidden fruit.  My six-year grandson serves as a reminder of the life so many of us miss under the guise of wisdom and carefulness.

 

August 16, 2017 ·

I made it, the big “7 0”. I woke up this morning with old time Negro hymns dancing in my head. Images of dancing and out-of-tune singing swaying with the Spirit filled my mind. “So this is what they were talking about.” No room for debate, life is what it is. Some things you can’t really appreciate until you’ve been around for a while. My parents didn’t make it pass 50, My Grandparents slid in past 80, (Well, maybe not slid, since aches, pains and stiffness slowed them down a little) but they still had hope beyond my understanding. Today, I experience blessings differently. It’s a private matter packed with the liveliness of heart and harmony of mind. My body is still obliging, my spirit is still willing and my mind is still able. I’m a happy person this morning and plan to see many more just like it or even better. Here I go! Enjoy…Be happy…Trust God, I’m liking it…

 

 

 

Jean Watley

May 19, 2016 · Tacoma ·

You’ve got to check “Olive Branch Café” out!!!

Fit for Queens and Kings. If it’s your first time, most likely you will return with additional guests. “You’ve got to see this…No. you’ve got to experience it.”

It’s not just the scrumptious mouth-watering menu offerings, nor the choices of teas, not to mention the elegant Victorian like table settings with live piano playing music in the background and champagne bubbles floating from the ceiling. If you can picture this with me, come a little closer…feel the prickly goose bumps gently penetrating the quiet spaces of your mind oozing with messages of specialness. “You belong here…you deserve this…You are important, it’s all about you and who you share your specialness with…the chosen few…

It’s not just the scrumptious mouth-watering menu offerings, nor the choices of teas, not to mention the elegant Victorian like table settings with live piano playing music in the background and champagne bubbles floating from the ceiling. If you can picture this with me, come a little closer…feel the prickly goose bumps gently penetrating the quiet spaces of your mind oozing with messages of specialness. “You belong here…you deserve this…You are important, it’s all about you and who you share your specialness with…the chosen few…

The hearts of the clientele upon entry morphs into sparkly wide-eyed childlike “Alice in Wonderland” fantasy expectations reeking with oohs and awes.

Can you feel it? I want to interview Terry Waller, the creator and imaginer of the café, I want to hear the story that led her to this place. I want to know how she attracted the people and places along the way. Don’t you?

All this to say, come for the full package, experience the awakening and tickles of your spirit.

By the way, the price of this luxury is quite affordable. Bring a frien

 

August 26, 2016 ·

This has been an interesting journey since my number came up. I’m in no pain, at least not physically. What’s insightful to me is being the visited vs visitor. It is very humbling. I see I like being in charge. For the most part, I still am in charge of my faculties just moving slower. Learning how my mind works. Meeting a lot of people. Taking my time cooperating with medical staff. What also so kool is one of the nurses remembered me from 2005. He went through my class at Bates. He talked about the stories I told and how it affected him. His presence reminded me of what I used to always say, “I gotta take care of my students as best I can, anyone of them might wind up having to take of me in the hospital. Well that part came true. I still feel/am happy and blessed. It’s all good. Thank you everyone for your prayers and good expectations

 

August 2016

My recovery journey has taken me to thoughts and insights never consciously known to me before. I’ve been stuck between a world of acceptance and bewilderment. The bewilderment is filled with thrills of exhilaration and mystery, while the world of acceptance rings with predictability and the appearance of dependability. I choose mystery. It seems intimidating and yet openingly inviting. Life for me is like popcorn popping up anywhere, anytime, in any form laced with mouthwatering fascinating spices ushering in unknown opportunities. I often feel childlike absent from the knowledge of forbidden fruit. My six-year grandson serves as a reminder of the life so many of us miss under the guise of wisdom and carefulness. I hear the words “slow down, listen, shush, be still,” hearkening my heart when I want to rush out to change the channel to something more practical, sensible or even intelligent, but I remain mystified by the invisible cloak shielding me from immediate discovery. I am faced with a door in the shape of a question mark, “enter?” I think that’s what life is about, entering into the unknowns of being. Here it is, another crossroad whispering to my mind again. This is the place where practicality often rules and turns away the childlike spirit leaving boredom and self-centered ness as life-long companions. I really like. The rambling…

August 21, 2016 · Tacoma ·

Well, I’m in the hospital. According to me, I am doing good. Just had a birthday a few days ago. Wasn’t ‘t planning on this. It’s all good. I have many thing I am grateful for. I am learning how let others help me. How humbling… Another lesson life ushers in.

 

August 30, 2016

I am learning a lot about the difference between self sufficiency, pride, ego, and dignity while rehabilitating in the hospital. I like making things happen, especially when told it can’t happen. First I had to mentally and emotionally accept the fact that I had a stroke. Pride and ego was faced with the fact that a blood clot had visited my left leg and wouldn’t allow me to walk normally. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without help. That was a fact. My feelings and emotions were raging with anger and a sense of devaluing. Who was I mad with? Good question. I was on the road to learning who I was when out of control. Not a very pretty sight. Thank God I still had some traces of a sense of humor and dignity. While waiting to be cleaned by the nurse after a bowel movement, I mumble , “I feel so helpless.” The nurse snapped back, “Don’t feel like that, this is just temporary, besides, it’s my job and I want to do it. Her voice and compassionate tone touched me. How could I be helpless with her around? Help was all around. I am learning how to surrender my mental and emotional will and retain my sense of self, dignity and resilience.

July 1, 2015 ·

I was responding to one of my grand children’s email thanking me for a picture I sent him. My thoughts raced on ahead. I felt something deeper and more significant

“I don’t have a good picture of your Grandfather, but I thought you might want to know a little bit about him. He was born August 5, 1946 in Chicago, Illinois. He died July 28, 1986 in Chicago, Illinois of Pneumonia at Chicago Osteopathic Hospital. His Father was Earl Grey. born in the late 1920s. His Mother, Pearl, was born in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Tijuana and I visited her birth place last year. We found some records listing Annie Mattie Williams, born April 9, 1907. She died December 23, 1997 in Chicago. I met your grandfather when I was 13 or 14 years old. He was a year older. I remember I was a sophomore in high school when I discovered I was pregnant and had to drop out of school. Back then, that was the proper thing to do. I moved in with your Grandfather’s family, including Sanford, BaBa (Gregory) and Demetris. Pearl was married to Curtis. I didn’t know his last name. His brothers and sister, Billy, Lamont, and Ann were already out of the house.

The Williams taught me about the importance of family, no matter how dysfunctional they may or not be.

Earl Grey was smart and funny. He liked writing and citing poetry which was one of the things that attracted me to him. He liked to make people laugh.

Often stories told about members of our families tend to be negative. We were tight knit with unspoken vows to secrecy. Most of our lives were peppered with shame that overshadowed the goodness about who we were. It seemed like it was almost an honor to be downtrodden and helpless, thereby releasing you from the responsibility of any high achievement in life. Earl was a dreamer with no role models. He was burdened with the pressures proving society right, Black young men couldn’t amount up to anything and grow up with nothing to show for ever having been on earth in the first place.

But then, there’s you all, spouts of his seed blossoming with sunshine and hope. So you see Earl’s life isn’t lost. It goes on through you beaming with pride, dignity, hope topped with sweetness.”

 

 

Jean Watley

June 4, 2012 ·

Authentic inner voice

Do you find yourself entertaining endless head chatter that stops you from taking action? Voices representing wisdom of prominent or not so prominent people in your past or present life? Children should be seen and not heard. Reminders of the consequences for getting “the big head” or being too smart for your britches? (If someone is too big for their britches, they are conceited and have an exaggerated sense of their own importance) . How can you stop the chatter? How can you develop your own voice? I have some suggestions.

Ask questions Challenge the thought. Where did this come from? Is it true? Is it true all the time?

After my aneurysm a year ago, I noticed I lost some unfounded fears. I don’t have “the big head;” I have an opinion. Guess what, some people will both agree and disagree. It’s still my opinion. I can change it, alter it or forsake it. It’s called blossoming. There are no “one right answers, resolutions, or ways to live.

Check your motives: Are you trying to prove something? What and why? Are your efforts driven by your ego? What would it mean if you were wrong?

What clues does your body present? Heal your body A-Z by Louise Hay, revealed that my mental patterns created, with the help of the chatter, often muffled my real voice. The concept of emotional or social intelligence, according to researchers. Involve at least five types of skills:

Self-awareness is a person’s ability to understand and be aware of their feelings and moods. Self-awareness helps a person keep an eye on their thoughts and emotions so they can better understand why they feel a particular way. Managing emotions This skill helps people display their emotions in socially appropriate ways. It helps one control anger, sadness, and fear. Motivation helps a person use their emotions to reach their goals. It helps them hold back their impulses and delay gratification to reach these goals. Empathy is the ability to understand how a person feels. It is different from feeling sorry for someone. It is feeling like “walking in their shoes.” Social skills are dealing with others in social situations. It is the ability to carry on a conversation and deal with other’s emotions. It is being socially competent.

Pay attention to these clues, it could save a lot of wasted time from asking irrelevant questions. Check out researcher Feldman, L. (1999). Emotionally intelligent leadership. Falls Church or Daniel Feldman. Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence. New York, NY: Bantam Books

Read Search for other resources to balance your mind’s informational in and out put. Discover your personality type or happiness capacity.

Listen to stress reducing music. Check out authors, scientists, people using technology to heightened levels of inspiration and creativity.

Exercise: Expert say exercise reduces stress and increase blood circulation.

I encourage you to be more purposeful investigating these suggestions. It could positively strengthen your life and monitor your authentic voice.

Allow your healthy authentic inner voice to provide glimpses into who you are and what is your own true path. Learn how to listen to your heart’s intuition. There is no explanation, only certainty. No more red-like flags of mental blockages shouting wait or stop. Instead, take a chance see what happens next. What kind of adventure will you create through your authentic voice? Asking questions, checking your motives, sorting through mixed messages, reading related and unrelated literature, walking, talking, and quieting yourself can lead you through this sacred space. Over time, trust creates the repeatable framework.

 

Jean Watley

September 20, 2017 ·

Getting old is not a punishment My son told me a story about a young man who interrupted a conversation between an old man and a friend. “How old are you,” the young man probed. “97,” the old man proudly answered. “Wow, I never want to be that old,” the young man condescendingly quipped. With kindness and patience in the old man’s eyes, “That’s because you’ve never been 96.” the old man replied. As I get older and am teased by bewilderment, I understand the old man’s reasonings. Today, most of my friends range between 50 and 90 years old. Not all are happy and easygoing, but their lives are packed with meaningful accomplishments. One person told me he only had 24% of the energy he used to have. “What, 24%? You have 24% of energy left. What are you doing with it?” I may not be able to run a marathon or a 100 yard dash, but I still can do something. How about you? Enjoy.

 

 

Interrupted Safety Net

pexels-photo-209717.jpegMama always cautioned us kids, “don’t get the big head…Don’t get too big for your britches” That was her way of keeping us safe from pride and ego-driven self-importance.  The only problem with that philosophy was dumbing down your sense of worth became the dominant determiner of who we were.  She came up in an era that you could get killed (mentally, emotionally, and even physically) for being too smart.   Staying in your place was the preferred survival practice.   Interrupting that safety net mentality can dislodge old belief systems that serve as blockages to self-realizations and success you were born to contribute to the world.